Reunion

Roy, Patty, Tony, Suzanne, Marley and I went out tonight. It was the first time we've all been together since Angel graduation and it was good to see everyone again. Actually, I still hang with Tony and Marley hangs with Suzanne, so sometime the four of us chill together, but it was nice to see Roy and Patty. I didn't realize it would be like that until it happened. I couldn't stand Roy for such a long time that even though we started getting alone before angel training ended, I was surprised that I was happy to see him. I guess it's part of learning that you have to give people a chance and not make your mind up about them too quickly. That's part of what being an angel is all about.

Anyway, we were talking about some of our recent cases and it was interesting how everybody started coming up with suggestions of courses of action before each person revealed what the solution was. I like how we work as a group; maybe someday it'll be interesting to see if we can all work together, I don't know, like an angelic Justice League or something. Since we're spread out across the country on Earth, that's a little tough. Maybe we can start smaller. Chicago's about halfway between Los Angeles and New York, maybe if Marley and I meet up with Suzanne there, then Tony can come out from LA. It's just a matter of scheduling, I'm sure Suzanne would be up for that. She'll do anything if it means healing more humans.

Hail To The Senator

Senator Ted Kennedy arrived up here the other day. A few people seemed pretty excited. I talked to grandma and grandpa and they seemed anxious to see him. The general impression is that one one wants to bother him for a while, they're respectfully waiting until he spends some time with his brothers and nephew. I asked gang what they thought; Marley didn't really know much about him but Tony seemed interested and Suzanne couldn't wait to meet him.

I had some mixed feelings about the whole thing. In Heaven, since you can go anywhere, I guess that means you can go to where ever any given person is if you want to meet them. Doesn't that get tiring for a celebrity? I mean, everyone's in the directory, they're all a phone call away. Maybe we're less disposed to actually use those numbers, and that's part of what heaven is about for the celebrities. I've only used the directory once so far, Suzanne asked me who I called, and when I told her, she smiled and said, "Aww, that's so you!" I figured it was a compliment and then Marley told me it was. I figured as much, I can't imagine Suzanne doing anything malicious, at least not since I've known her. I'm glad I didn't before she died, I could never stand people like the one she used to be. At least I didn't at the time. I wonder who's changed more, me, Marley or Suzanne? I don't know, but maybe evolution is why we all get along so well.

A Valiant Effort

Sashial and I went to the bombers game tonight. They fucking lost, which was disappointing. Doubly bad was they made this huge comeback, scoring four runs in the ninth inning when they were down by five, blowing it on a popped up bunt and an unassisted double play. I was pretty bummed, but you should of seen Sashial. She just stood there and went, "Oh MOTHERFUCKER! MOTHERFUCKER THAT FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!" I'm not sure if she was talking about the guy who hit the ball or the guy who caught it, but with her, you learn not to ask these things. The weird thing is I don't even know which she likes better, the bombers or the excuse to scream and curse. That's the reason she got into the game in the first place, and she only likes the bombers basically because I do. It's kind of amazing, to think baseball's been around for over a hundred years, but in all her travels and tribulations, nothing brought her to it until I did. Then again, it's not like she needs a reason to yell, she certainly doesn't care what anyone thinks of her, much less the humans on Earth.

She did something interesting before we left, though. After she calmed down, she looked at me with those puppy dog eyes she gets, and said, "I'm so sorry, honey." I told her I was kind of bummed, but it wasn't that big a deal, and when I tried to explain their healthy position in the standings, she shook her head and whispered, "I don't care." That is so her. Then she asked when we could go again. I asked if Lira might want to come next time, and Sashial said, "Don't have faith on it. See thinks watching people swing sticks a ball for three hours sounds like punishment in hell." That's so Lira. Those two are the best.

It Really Takes It Out Of You

Being good is really fucking exhausting. I don't mean physically exhausting because we don't get tired or sleepy. Thank god, because being an angel is tougher than any kind of office job you can imagine, good thing it's more rewarding too. You know, when I was alive I never really slept much, especially not towards the end after Shannon left. Whenever someone would get on my case about it, I'd say, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Now I'm dead, and I don't have to sleep, I only do it for the dreams, that and the sense of intimacy. Like the lady said, it's a free ride when you've already paid.

Anyway, being an angel is not your job. I know I once said it was but I was wrong about a lot of things back then. It's who we are; not what defines us, but more like our purpose, or our entire state of being. You can't shut it off like when you come home from the office, no matter how late you worked that day. And it's mentally taxing. People's problems don't go away when the whistle blows, so neither can we. And sometimes we're called upon to go above and beyond, which for residents of Heaven is really saying something.

So why do we do it? For Marley, it's just her nature, for Suzanne, it's more redemption. I've never quite nailed down what drives me. I think it's just my status as a nice guy. On Earth you get mocked or abused for that, which is what led to my misanthropy in the first place. Up here, it's like, I finally get the chance to use to achieve something. I've never experienced that before. So is my being an angel motivated by a selfish need for fulfillment? I hope not. I got into this originally for spite, I like to think my motives are more noble now. Hopefully time will tell. After all, I'm new at this.

Why Do They Test Me?

I tried to assist someone today, and not only did he show resistance, he made things more difficult by lying to me about what his problems actually were. You know, sometimes I think I'll never understand, these people just don't get that I'm trying to help them. Lira once told me that humans will do anything they can to hold themselves back. I thought she was just doing her usual tough love motivation, but then again, I wasn't an angel back then. Now that I've logged in some angel time, I can see how right she was. This guy had grown children he said he couldn't connect with because they weren't around. I wasn't sure what to do; after all, you can't really bring people together when they're never in the same place. Marley's a little better with family issues than I am, so I brought her with me when I went back to see him. When she read what he was feeling, she pulled me aside and said, "He's not malicious, but he's not telling the truth." When I reminded him what he said, he goes, "Oh. I was kidding."

You know, when you're kidding about something, fucking say that, eventually. That's what makes it a joke and not a fucking lie that makes me look like a total fucking idiot. I was ready to just abandon him, but Marley said to not give up on him. Thank God she's around to keep me grounded. Can you say "keep me grounded" in Heaven? Maybe it should be "keep me clouded," but that's sort of the opposite of what I'm saying.

Anyway, I've said before that humans aren't worth helping, then admitted I was wrong. So I'm still gonna try and help this guy. Just hope it's worth it.