Regulars

I've talked before about cycles, or loops or traps or whatever you want to call them. I'm talking about situations that beget an emotional attitude, specifically sorrow, because , obviously, that's my business. Going further, sorrow often has the outward effect of the dour personality. Now, if someone is depressed, he might become a depressing person. And here's the kick: people may not want to be around him, because he's fucking depressing. But he obviously doesn't want to be, but he can't get happy because nobody wants to be around him. See the trap?

A fellow, we'll call him Gerald, got a new job. Now, he's a person who's generally well liked in his office. But when they threw a send off for him, he grew a little despondent because of the low turnout. One of his coworkers had to going around "reminding," or to be more honest, guilting people, to go swing by. I was there in spirit mode, and even I could read the look on his face. It was mix of sorrow and bewilderment, as if he thinking "I don't know why people hate me so much," but had given in to the idea that they did, to the point where he expected it.

Any number of incidents like that can lead people like Gerald to walk around believing no one wants to be around them, to the point where their mood begins to prove them right. They say if you act like a loser, people tend to treat you like a loser. They also say, you wanna be a winner, be a winner, you wanna be a loser, be a loser. A friend of mine in college once said the secret to poularity is to always be in a good mood. Tell that to the guy who never does anything wrong then gets condemned to a life of solitary confinement. He wants to smile. He'd love to. But he can't, like the world won't let him. How you break out of that?

I don't know if you can, or at least I haven't figured it out. All I can do is be around case by case, offering enough assurance to keep them persevering to the next experience. Hope yours is a positive one, Gerald.

Take The Wheel. Seriously, Take It.

Holy fuck, has it really been this long? Nearly a month since the last update, what can I say? So fucking busy. There's sorrow everywhere. I'm still relativley new to this, so I'm still trying to put the human condition in the proper context. There's a lot of miserable fucks out there; I know, I used to be one of them. There's also a lot of cruel and/or heartless people out there, I think there's no arguement with that. The question is, what begets what? Well maybe not that, more like, does malicious apathy create sadness or exacerbate it? Who has a responsibility to who? Maybe someone's not treating you well. But why is your happiness up to them? Who are you to thrust that role upon them? We think it might come down to simple decency, but the term is way to subjective. One person may just want a simple smile, another may need an open invitation to marry one of your daughters. The point is, you can't really rely on or burden someone else with your own happiness. It's unrealistic and unfair.

But when faced with someone who's approaching despair because of what he perceives to be apathy, I can't just say, "Get over yourself." First off, and we've been through this, everyone has a right to their own pain, and if appreciation is what they value, then we've got to be sensitive to the pain they're in. But how does one alleviate that? You could lie, like your parents may have when you were a kid (they were laughing with you, the girl's probably just mean because she likes you, etc.), but I've found that doesn't really help. It's like ignoring your problems, going to bed and hoping everything'll be gone when you wake up. So in a recent instance of this, I just dealt in truth.

"You know, life isn't about being the most beloved or popular person. That's not what makes us good people. What matters is that you know who you are. When you do, you don't need someone else's validation. You only need yours. Now, that doesn't mean you'll always have it, but if you don't, still remember that you're the one in control. You can affect you. You can always fix it. Those other people are on their own, you can't change them. And if they're not what you need for your happiness, well screw them."

Is it effective? Well don't expect miracles overnight. I can't cure everyone. But I can give them hope. And for most, that's enough.